Teaching Children Accountability
By Rexanne Mancini

We have many responsibilities to our children. Feeding, clothing and sheltering them are the basics; however, there are other important responsibilities that come with parenting. Teaching our children to behave, how to relate to others, to be considerate and how to make friends are but a few more of the challenging aspects of being a parent.

What about teaching our kids to be responsible and accountable for their actions and their words? These are equally important responsibilities we have to teach our kids.

Teaching children to be accountable for what they do, say and feel is a gift that will help them throughout their lives. The “rules” also involve teaching children compassion and tolerance for others. When a child feels secure because they know and understand the “rules,” they are more willing and able to accept accountability for themselves. Teaching our kids what is right and wrong is a big step in teaching them responsibility. Once they know the “rules,” they are more able to make solid decisions and understand how they fit into society and how to react or respond to both joy and challenges.

If a child knows that throwing sand in another child’s face is wrong, that it hurts and they wouldn’t want anyone to throw sand in their face, they begin to learn compassion for their peers and other human beings. If your son knows that taking something that does not belong to him is wrong and how losing a treasured toy would feel, he will be less inclined to wander off with Jeremy’s favorite action figure. If your daughter absconds with Ashley’s new Barbie doll she should know without question that it is wrong and that if Ashley decided to take her new Bratz doll, she would be equally traumatized and broken hearted.

Once children know and understand the rules of right and wrong, we can then teach them to be accountable and responsible for themselves. An especially meaningful lesson is teaching children to be truthful and honest. I’ve taught my girls that if they tell me the truth about any situation, they will not get in trouble. If they lie, they will most certainly get in trouble. This has not only taught them that being honest works, but also that lying isn’t going to get them out of trouble or help them achieve a desired outcome. They are less likely to lie to anyone else, expecting that by being straight forward, honest and secure in their truth, they will not encounter resistance.  If they do, they are strongly rooted in their knowledge of right and wrong to stand firm in their beliefs and remain accountable for their words or deeds.

While we want our children to be secure, we must also realize and teach them that if they mess up, there will be consequences. Consequences do not have to equate to punishment per se. For example, if your toddler takes a pack of gum from the checkout counter at the market while you are paying for the groceries, an appropriate consequence would be to bring your child right back into the market and have him/her give it back to the manager and explain that they stole it and then apologize. This will make a much bigger impact on your child than a swat and/or an accusation and they will learn accountability. I can guarantee you they will never take another pack of gum from the counter or anything else that hasn’t been paid for. This is a lesson in positive consequences for parents as well as a great lesson to teach a child. They will be much less likely to break laws as they get older knowing that Mom or Dad will not let them get away with breaking rules and they will understand respect for authority, which will keep them out of bigger trouble as they grow up.

Teaching your child by example is an excellent way to impart a life lesson. For example, if you accuse your child of taking something valuable that you misplaced and then you find said valuable, make it a point to tell your child you found it and apologize for wrongly accusing him/her. Saying I’m sorry” to your child does not negate your authority. It will teach them that it’s OK to make mistakes and to apologize when they do. If we are accountable, our children will learn that accountability is the “rule” and they will naturally accept that rule. We are teaching our kids how to behave every moment. They watch and see everything we do.

Yes, being a parent means being a better person in order to teach our children what it means to be a decent member of society.

At every parent teacher conference I’ve attended for my kids, I make it a point to ask about my child’s citizenship and how she behaves with her peers. This, to me, is equally as important as learning academics in a school environment and a good, caring teacher will have rules for the classroom that teach children to behave with respect for their fellow students and hopefully, to be accountable for themselves.

© Rexanne Mancini 2008

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Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com – http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html

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