Entitlement and Gratitude
By Rexanne Mancini

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s heard people say we’re raising a generation of children with entitlement issues. And yes, I’ve noticed it, too. Why do you suppose our kids have this label?

I think it comes down to their expectations. When children are handed everything they want, without regard for the complexities of where these possessions and/or advantages came from, they are going to naturally feel entitled. I will freely admit I have contributed to this generational snafu … I can’t give my kids enough and they are regaled with things and advantages as best I can supply.

So how do we counter the entitlement attitude? I think we need to teach our children gratitude. Maybe we even need to learn gratitude ourselves.

Gratitude can take many forms. From learning to recognize and appreciate life with a spiritual viewpoint to teaching children that sending thank you cards for birthday and other presents is essential. Children need to learn basic humility in order to understand that life doesn’t owe them everything they could possibly want or desire. They need to understand that when they are given a gift or an advantage, there is a sacrifice made by the giver, be it small or huge and they need to recognize that these gifts are not their birth right. If Mom or Dad buys Sally a pricy but coveted doll for Christmas, Sally needs to understand the value and intention behind the gift, not that she will always get what she wants just because she wants it. I suppose the tradition of Santa’s naughty and nice list was meant to teach children this important lesson … expectations of good behavior, integrity, honesty, kindness (whatever) need to be met in order to reap the rewards of being “good” or meeting parental and social expectations.

In the U.S.A., we celebrate Thanksgiving Day on the last Thursday of November. The tradition is an excellent example of gratitude and of the importance of being grateful for our good fortune and for everything good and rewarding in our lives. While we do not normally say grace before meals in our home, we always say grace before Thanksgiving dinner. Our tradition is for everyone at the table to hold hands and each person has an opportunity to say what they’re grateful for. For the very young, this could manifest in “I’m grateful for my puppy” or “I’m grateful for having passed my math test last week.”

It doesn’t really matter what children choose to be grateful for, it matters that they learn to be grateful and to appreciate good fortune and benefits when they occur. In essence, they learn that life is not all about just them and that life and life’s goodness is a gift, not something to be expected or taken for granted. This teaches kids humility, which is not the same as false modesty or denial of how wonderful and special they are. Humility is a sense of gratitude for life’s blessings, awareness that life can be difficult at times but that the good times, family and loved ones are to be cherished.

I would like to challenge all our parent readers to counter the attitude of entitlement in our children today. Teach them that life and life’s bounty is to be cherished, appreciated and honored for the gift it is.

Your input and ideas on entitlement and gratitude can help us and parents everywhere get handle on this issue. Please contribute to the discussion on our forum this month: Entitlement & Gratitude

Copyright – 2006 - Rexanne Mancini

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Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com – http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html

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