Natural Parenting
By Rexanne Mancini
 

This article has a bit of a twist. I’m going to ask you all a series of questions on a topic I’ve been debating in my own mind and I would greatly appreciate your replies because I think this could be an important evaluation of “good parenting” and what that really means.

-          Is parenting by our own individual nature a good idea?

In other words, do we insist on parenting all our kids the way WE want because we feel that’s the “only” way to raise healthy and sane kids?

Here’s an example: I am, by nature, a loving person. It’s very easy for me to parent with love. I happen to believe that loving our children is the most important aspect of parenting, too. So, does this mean that my children respond to my parenting style? I think most kids would but guess what. One of my kids doesn’t really “respond” to my parenting “style” all the time. She does sometimes, which encourages me to believe I’m parenting her “right,” however, she would sometimes rather be left completely alone with no input from me whatsoever, which makes me crazy because I believe she “needs” me to fawn all over and adore her. Hmmmm.  

 - Should we strive to change our nature to better accommodate being better parents?

Here’s an interesting thought. If you think or have heard that being a “loving” parent is the “best” way to parent and you are, by  nature, not a “loving” person, does that make you unqualified to be a good parent? Of course not. So, here we have the argument of  what constitutes “good” parenting? Oh boy …

- On exactly WHO do we base those assumptions of “ideal” parenting?

Ourselves, our neighbors, ME, our parents, our religion?

Now we get into the touchy area in this train of thought. Do we concede our natural tendencies and our basic natures to conform to a parenting style which doesn’t come “naturally?” I don’t like it. But …

-          How about parenting according to the individual natures of our children?

Does that make more sense? I think it does.

I think this is the answer I’ve been looking for in my own heart. While one of my children responds and thrives by my “natural” parenting style, the other doesn’t especially respond or blossom under my showers of sunshine and affection. I absolutely believe in my soul that she does respond to my loving kindness, however. So a happy medium is necessary to help her grow into the best person she can be. I think this is about respecting HER nature and not trying to force her to respond as I happen to see fit. Does this make sense to you?

How about if you are an avid carnivore and your teenager suddenly decides to become a vegetarian or Vegan? Then what? Do you insist your child eat his meat because it’s good for him or do you allow him his individuality by ensuring there are plenty of fresh fruits, vegetables and alternate sources of protein and amino acids at each meal? This could get even touchier than an argument over religion or belief systems.

The basics are hard to ignore ... being a loving, kind and compassionate parent will always go a long way in insuring your children will thrive with self-respect and self-worth.

In an ideal world, our children would respond and thrive according to a user guide that popped out along with each newborn baby. It's not gonna happen and we need to find ways to make parenting work for all our children. I think respecting their individual natures is key. What do you think? Everyone's opinions and thoughts are welcome. Please let us know: Natural Parenting reply

© Rexanne Mancini - 2010

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Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com – http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html

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