Children's Self-Esteem
By Rexanne Mancini

 My older daughter and my niece are currently working at a clothing store chain notorious for hiring only “beautiful” people. While this is all fine and good for them, it raises questions in my mind about children and teenagers who are not traditionally “beautiful.”
 
 We all feel for the less-than-perfect kids who are bombarded daily with images of beautiful, svelte models everywhere. I believe that, with confidence and support, they can be gorgeous, too. So much depends on attitude. My daughter is now considered beautiful, however, she had a rough middle school experience which took a lot of “support” to help her overcome a bad self-image. As soon as she hit high school, braces off and clear skin, all bets were off and she was hugely popular with the boys. That gave her the confidence she needed to build an attitude I’d been trying to instill in her all along. Confidence really is key.
 
 Shedding excess weight, dressing correctly for one’s body, the right hairstyle and makeup (for girls) can work wonders in bringing out the best in our kid’s looks. Even a plain looking child can learn to enhance her/his best features or qualities. Talent is a quality that can make a person beautiful, too. Embracing a talent has much to do with confidence and support. Parents need to instill confidence any way they can in their kids to help them overcome so much they will go through, especially if the child is less than pretty or svelte. Support their talents, their passions and play up their good points. Cherish and respect them to instill loving natures and the roots of self-respect, which I think makes a person beautiful, too. Everyone has something going for him/her. Teach your children to be strong, self-reliant, confident and to play up their best features or qualities. My Ladies One and All pages have ideas and information that can be helpful and much of the information could apply to boys, too.
 
 Self-esteem is not just built on physical appearance or talent. It is instilled in children when parents and caretakers treat them with the respect they deserve as living beings. Acknowledging their uniqueness, embracing their personalities no matter how different from ours and accepting our children for who they are is tantamount to building a strong foundation of self-esteem. If children inherently know they are lovable, beautiful, good and capable, they will take these qualities with them through their lives and other people will respond to their positive self-image.
 
 This does not mean that parents should tell their unathletic child that he/she is the next Kobe Bryant or that their desire to sing means they have a beautiful and workable singing voice. False praise is just as detrimental as no praise for their talent or positive qualities. Being “brutally honest” isn’t the answer either if your child has an obvious problem. Likewise, supporting our children in a dangerous or negative habit or friendship isn’t going to help them. Know when to be a parent and when to become a friend, always keeping in mind that we have a responsibility to actually parent our children, teach them right from wrong and that there are definite consequences in the choices they make.
 
 There will most likely be rough patches along the way, times when your child is not having a great day, month or even year. This is when we can help them understand how precious they are to us, how much they matter. We can also take time to interact with our children when they seem especially out of sorts or low. Giving kids the gift of our undivided attention can be a super charge to their feelings of worth. Teaching them something we know can give them a new hobby or passion where they might find meaning if this seems to be lacking in their lives. Attending their game or events they are involved with will let them know their achievements and interests are important and valued. Moreover, just listening to them sometimes can be a huge esteem boost. Hear what they are telling you and try to understand their point of view to better know what motivates your child, what fears they might have or where their talents lie.
 
 Supporting our children in whatever it is they choose to become involved with and in their sincere choices is another vital component of building their confidence and trust in a sometimes turbulent world. If your child needs help, don’t wait for him/her to ask you for it. By then, they might be so beaten down, they’ll never ask which just propagates more insecurity. Be their best ally, their biggest fan and a solid rock to swim to in a storm. If you are having difficulty in your own life, own up, be the adult and find help for yourself before your children crumble under your negativity. Children become insecure when they see their parents falling apart. Spare them your drama and find a way to overcome it, for your child’s sake.
 
 Love, sincerely compliment and hug them. They can always use the good energy your loving embrace imparts and you will be rewarded with a loving, secure child who is happy and in control of his/her outlook, which directly affects their life.
 
 Copyright – 2007 - Rexanne Mancini

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Rexanne Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com – http://www.rexanne.com -Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter, Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html

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