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Rexanne's Spotlight on:
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Spanking
Children
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Results
of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I
am completely opposed to spanking. I know that almost twice as many of
you spank your children as don't. At the risk of alienating 62 percent
of my subscribers, I cannot, in good conscience, keep my opinions to
myself. ;-) I
feel we have evolved enough as a society to understand that violence
breeds violence. Hitting is physically violent. So is spanking. I do
not believe spanking children teaches them to mind their parents or
caretakers any better than other forms of constructive discipline. If
it is unacceptable to hit an adult, what makes it acceptable to hit a
child? Taking into consideration the parent or caretaker is most
likely three times the size of the child, doesn't this bring up issues
of bullying? Many
of the comments left on the spanking poll mentioned a biblical
reference, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." When we
consider that the bible was written thousands of years ago, we must
also take into consideration that we may have advanced to the point
where biblical interpretations are probably not to be taken as
literally as they once were. I do not believe parents should spank
their children into submission, any more than I believe criminals
should be stoned to death by the masses, as was the custom so many
years ago. Many
parents (myself included) have neglected to replace spanking with
another solid form of discipline. Refraining from spanking our kids
does not negate disciplining them. We have created a generation of
children without boundaries in our zeal to adopt a kinder, gentler
parenting style. While I am thoroughly delighted that many parents
have decided not to spank their children, I am saddened by the lack of
respect for authority in so many children today. Without limits,
children are insecure, always testing the boundaries ... begging to be
corralled for their own safety. In removing physical punishment, we
need to find a healthy replacement. Another
comment mentioned often in the spanking poll had to do with spanking a
child "out of love." I think this means the parent is
disciplining their child because they love them. Yes, by all means,
discipline your child when needed. My only request is that you
consider not raising a hand or your voice to them in order to
accomplish this. My methods have been to remove a privilege, after a
warning. It might not be the best form of imposing limits on children
but it works pretty well with my daughters ... most of the time. ;-) One
interesting comment was from a mother who said she only spanked her
child when the kid was outright defiant. Well, you know, I wanted to
consider that option for about two seconds! When my older daughter is
defiant, my immediate instinct is to smack her ... but I don't. She is
now an inch taller than I am and almost outweighs me. Not a good time
to start swatting her butt. She'd either laugh at me or hit me back.
Neither option seems conducive to maintaining authority! As much as
that option sounded tempting, it is not the answer. If we are to grow
as a people, we need to adopt more humane methods of teaching our
children to behave. The
comment that disturbed me most was from parents who said they did not
spank their child "right away." The child is told they are
going to be spanked while the parent goes somewhere else to "calm
down" before doling out the dreaded punishment. Sorry, this one
gives me the willies. To me, this is a method of psychological
torture. Imagining a small child, probably a toddler (or an adolescent
reduced to a toddler's fears) in this situation tears at my heart. If
I were a child, waiting patiently for a spanking, I think I
would seriously consider running away. Why stick around for a parent
who is going to come back, irrationally calm in the face of my utter
terror, and let them hurt me? I do not think this is a
good idea, no matter what the circumstance. I would rather see a
parent swat a kid on the butt from sheer frustration, as in the
situation with a defiant child, than meditate on it a while and then
do the deed. I'm sure I have just contradicted parenting advice many
of you have heard by experts. These experts do not rate one
inch in my life. I cannot imagine a competent child psychologist
thinking that this is OK. I
am 100% committed to a no-spanking philosophy. I believe spanking will
be outlawed in most countries within a few years. This practice has
been a traditional tool of discipline for far too long. Please, my dearest readers who do not share my opinion, I ask that you consider the alternatives. Many parents spank, simply for lack of a better solution. There are other solutions. It's not always easy, I know. Spanking is probably the easiest method of momentarily whipping a child in line, however, if we are armed with alternate choices that really work, we will be better parents. Copyright
2000 – 2004 – Rexanne Mancini
The spanking debate continues here: Rexanne's Community - Spanking - Please add your input and opinion! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rexanne
Mancini is the mother of two daughters, Justice and Liberty. She is a
novelist, freelance writer and maintains an extensive yet informal
parenting and family web site, Rexanne.com – http://www.rexanne.com
-Visit her site for good advice, award-winning Internet holiday pages
and some humor to help you cope. Subscribe to her free newsletter,
Rexanne’s Web Review, for a monthly dose of Rexanne: http://www.rexanne.com/rwr-archives.html
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This article is available, free, for reprint with my bio line included. Please contact me for information on how you can feature this article on your web site: Click here: Reprint Permission - You may also request an email version of this article by sending any blank email to: Spanking Article |
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