Rexanne's
Web Review
Web Sites & Insights
Issue #112 - November 1, 2007
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Welcome all newcomers and faithful readers!
Head's up parents ... it's that dreaded head lice time of year. OMG - I know
it's scary and horrific but we have to face it and be armed against those little
buggers. Here's a refresher course:
Head Lice - Share and
find support for head lice horrors on our forum:
Head Lice Forum
And it's turkey time! Yummm! Get a head start on the holiday with my
Thanksgiving tips and links:
Rexanne's Thanksgiving
The holidays are upon us! For a jump start on Christmas:
Rexanne's Christmas
Happy Thanksgiving to my US readers!
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Reader's Comments:
I received many emails about a few bad links in the newsletter last month.
Oooops! Sorry about that! The links were corrected online and if I goof again,
know that the correct links will be in the online version of each newsletter.
Thanks to all who were helpful and alerted me to the goofs.
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Brenda wrote:
"I can't imagine why you're having a hard time getting people to post on your
forum. I haven't posted anything yet, either, but it's a really good resource
for parents and families. I read everything that you and everyone else posts.
One day I promise to be brave and post, too."
Thank you for writing Brenda. Please know that our forum was established as a
place for US. It's not MY forum, it's OUR forum, where you are all free to post
whatever you want (well, within reason anyway) ask a question or ask for advice,
offer your advice and wisdom to other parents who might need help with something
you know about and generally just find support and camaraderie with your peers.
I know from experience on another forum I participate in that a forum
environment can be a very healthy, positive and fun experience where we can all
find value. I will stubbornly continue to maintain Rexanne's Community Forum and
invite you all to participate and enjoy this resource. There's a humor section
where you can find or post a laugh, some awesome food and cooking resources,
recipes, discussions about current movies and books and of course, lots of
information about parenting and families. This is a discussion forum, which
means it will not be as good as it can be unless people get in there and discuss
the issues we all face. Please consider adding your voice and input to our
community forum: Rexanne's Community Forum
- Pretend I have invited you to a party. Please come, enjoy yourselves and
interact with the other guests! Thanks. :-)
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Jeff wrote:
"What am I supposed to do when my teenage daughter says she wants to go live
with her boyfriend?"
I don't know how old your daughter is nor do I know what her character is like.
If she is 18 or older, you've pretty much run out of "Because I said so" chips.
If she is not yet 18, you still have an opportunity to exercise parental
authority and lock her in her room for a few years. OK, yes, I am just KIDDING!
What I would do in your situation is sit my daughter down and explain how life
works, that she would be better served staying home until she is older and can
truly understand and appreciate the result of her actions. I would also explain,
in no uncertain terms, that living with her boyfriend probably won't include
free meals, free rent or a relatively private place to regroup after a fight or
misunderstanding with Mr. Boyfriend. Talk to her honestly and openly, explain
your feelings about this and let her know how much you love and cherish her.
Then tell her you don't think it would be in her best interest to live with this
guy (if, in fact, you don't). Be prepared to back up your claims with rational
and reasonable answers. Teenagers will rebel even if you don't give them a
reason. Sometimes, all we can do is be honest with them and let them know our
true feelings. Good luck. I would be happy to try to help you further sort this
out if you have more information you'd like to share.
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OK, here's the scoop:
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Quote of the Month: Ask your child what he wants for
dinner only if he's buying. - Fran Lebowitz
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This Month's Web Review Sponsored By:
Rexanne's Christmas Mall
Want a good head start on holiday present shopping? Please consider buying your
online gift choices through my Christmas mall, designed and created with you in
mind. You will find a comprehensive, categorized list of perfect presents for
everyone on your list, with links to the best and most trusted online stores and
products I think you will love giving. Have fun and shop secure! Easy Christmas
gift shopping is a click away. :-)
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Parenting & Family Topic of the Month: Parent-Child Power
Struggles
by Nicole MacKenzie
Who is really "in-charge" in today's family? Do kids have too much power? Many
parents today's are overwhelmed when it comes to parenting. They find themselves
constantly explaining, arguing and negotiating with their children. Parenting
becomes frustrating and not much fun. The "quality time" is often spent in a
power-struggle.
Parents know they don't want to raise their children in an authoritarian,
diminishing, character-crushing style. Yet, the "laisser faire" approach doesn't
work either –- it results in spoiled self-centered kids. The more kids get to
"run the show", the harder it actually is for them to be happy and satisfied.
The harder it is for them to grow up to be productive responsible adults.
Is there a middle ground? A way that works for both the parent and child? Yes,
happily there is. But to understand how to effectively balance freedom and
discipline requires a look at the roots of kids' power struggles.
Children learn how to engage you into a power struggle by manipulating you with
emotions (whining, pouting, tantrums, etc.). They push your "hot buttons". The
goal of the manipulation game on the child's part is to see if you will engage
emotionally with him – it is a measuring device of power.
Children usually start to test their power between 1-2 years of age. This is the
same time they start to develop a sense of self. It is the time when they no
longer look at the reflection in the mirror and see another baby -- they now
recognize the reflection as their own self.
At this point they will object to what you say, not because of reasoning, but
just because they can. They quickly find out what works and will continuously
push for more and more. For example, if whining will eventually get them what
they think they want - they will increase the whining.
If, over time, the whining keeps "working", this behavior develops into a habit
and the child will start doing it unconsciously. The irony is that although the
child is on the surface getting what they want, they become more and more
demanding and eventually develop an ingrained attitude of unhappy
dissatisfaction that is hard to break.
Punishment is not the answer. Children are not bad or wrong for pushing and
testing to see what they can get with their emotional manipulation games. They
are just exploring, experimenting and learning about the world and their place
in it.
Children often are not even aware of the emotional games they are playing. They
are simply modeling what they have seen on TV or what they've seen other kids
do. The first step is to point it out to them and bring their awareness to it.
Then you can explain that what they are doing "doesn't work" and explain the
behavior you want instead.
You must be gently firm but unwavering in your commitment. If you "give in",
your child will simply learn that their game really does work after all – they
just need to whine louder (or cry harder, etc.) and keep at it longer.
The real key is for you, the parent, to avoid getting emotionally hooked into
the game -- to observe the child's behavior in a non-judgmental way, and then
respond appropriately instead of emotionally reacting. Once you "take it
personally", your objectivity evaporates and everybody loses. The easiest way to
stay out of this emotional quicksand is to shift into a mental attitude of
curiosity.
One of the biggest gifts you can give your child is to hold them accountable to
their emotional impact on others. If done with curiosity and non-judgment -– IT
WILL WORK. It takes the fight out of potential power-struggles and strengthens
the child's emotional intelligence. Children learn how to control their emotions
instead of having their emotions control them.
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Nicole Mackenzie's simple, yet proven Mom Has Fun Parenting Method shows parents
how to raise more responsible and happier kids using non-judgmental awareness,
curiosity and discipline without punishment - plus have fun in the process!
Nicole is an author and mother of 6 children. She has been a facilitator,
speaker, coach and trainer for 16 years. Please visit http://morefunlessworkparenting.com
and http://momhasfun.com. For a free parenting eClass, email: eclass9step@morefunlessworkparenting.com
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Know of a good parenting or family site your fellow readers might enjoy or do
you have a topic you'd like to see covered in this section? Please send your
ideas in for possible publication in an upcoming issue:
Parenting_Site
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Food & Cooking Site of the Month:
Rexanne's
Traditional Thanksgiving Feast
In case you haven't already found this on our forum, I've posted our family's
traditional Thanksgiving meal and included recipes, too! I love cooking
Thanksgiving dinner and these recipes are time-tested and wonderful.
Bon Appetit!
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gift giving easy and fun.
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Kid's Site of the Month:
Thanksgiving For Kids
Children's Thanksgiving crafts, activities, games, links and fun.
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Freebie of the Month: Thanksgiving Stationery & Place
Cards
Print this Thanksgiving stationery from your computer for correspondence, notes,
lists and whatever else you can think of. Offer a piece to your kids and suggest
they create a gratitude list, which can be read at the Thanksgiving dinner
table:
Thanksgiving Stationery
And staying with tradition, these are darling place cards the kids can make for
your Thanksgiving table:
Thanksgiving Place Cards
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Advertisement:
Thanksgiving
Print & Play Games
Print fun Thanksgiving themed games from your computer for the classroom, your
Thanksgiving parties or for your kids. Print as many as you need for one low
price.
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Tip or Trick of the Month: Thanksgiving Cooking Tips &
Hotlines
Right here, from someone who loves to cook the Thanksgiving feast:
Thanksgiving Cooking Tips
And for quick reference, here are the Thanksgiving cooking hotline numbers:
Butterball Turkey Hotline - 1-800-323-4848
Reynolds Turkey Hotline - 1-800-745-4000
USDA Meat and Poultry Hotline - 1-800-535-4555
USDA Poultry Hot Line: 800-535-4555
Land O'Lakes Bake Line 1-800-782-9606
Have a tip or trick your fellow readers would enjoy or could use? Please send it
in for possible publication in one of the next issues:
Tips
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Time Waster of the Month:
Pregnancy
(Because life is supposed to be fun!)
This has to be one of the silliest time wasters I've ever posted but it had me
going for a good half hour so I had to share.
The story behind this game is about two young lovers who are trying not to
conceive a baby. The object is to keep the fast moving sperm from fertilizing
the egg in the center of the screen by bouncing them away with your mouse
controlled diaphragm. LOL - If you blow it, you have several seconds to spell
out the word contraception before the egg is fertilized. It's super silly fun.
Feed the kids first ...
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Featured Site of the Month:
The Gratitude Dance
A very fun, feel-good video with a message of learning to focus on and be
grateful for the good in our lives.
Do the Gratitude Dance with your kids!
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Special offer from Tiny Prints: Until February 1, 2008, SAVE 5% on your entire
holiday & baby stationery order using discount code WINTER07!
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