Rexanne's Web Review - Issue #82

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Issue #82 - October 1, 2004

Brought to You By: Rexanne.com

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Find subscribe, removal and advertising information at the bottom of this newsletter.

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Welcome all newcomers and faithful readers!

Yikes, Halloween is only a few weeks away! Prowl the pages of my Halloween site for inspiration, help and fun: Rexanne's Halloween

I'd like to thank Michael Grose, one of my favorite parenting advisors, for offering his wonderful article: 'Your Child's Relational Preferences' in our parent & family topic of the month. His article made a lot of sense to me and I think you will love it. :-)

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Reader's Comments:
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Johanna wrote:

"My daughter is 13 and was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes 4 years ago. As you can imagine, Halloween is not a favorite holiday of hers. This year she is walking in the Juvenile Diabetes Walk that will be
held in Liverpool, NY on October 2nd. She is looking for people to sponsor her. Donations are tax deductible and 82 cents of every dollar donated goes directly to the foundation for research."
Support Jessica on her Walk for Juvenile Diabetes

Readers, Johanna's daughter, Jessica, needs our support! We have an opportunity to make a big impact here. Click on that link and please donate what you can. Donations can be made through late October and
still count for her team. Thank you!

Also see "Featured Site of the Month" in this issue for more information on children with diabetes.

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Rexanna wrote:

"Look at this web site when you have time: Bookcrossing.com

I've been a member of this for a couple of years. The whole idea is to 'read and release' books. It has worldwide subscribers, is free and even kids are getting into the act."

This is a very cool concept. Thanks Rexanna!

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And Martha wrote:

"Please tell your readers in the Midwest about the first ever Furkid Funfair to be held Oct. 30 in St. Charles, MO (west of St. Louis). We'll have great prizes for Halloween critter costumes, good and scary witches, ghosts and goblins, at least one fairy princess, plus photo opportunities, talent and skill demonstrations, a pupper kissing booth, raffles and giveaways, lots of critter service and product booths, guest rescue groups and the finest bake sale goodies in all the land. Kids of all ages and their rescued best friends will march in the Grand Parade of Rescues. The event is free and open to the public. Clowns, a bouncy castle and free pony rides from 1:00 until 3:00 p.m. are being provided for the kids." Visit: FurKid Funfair Or for more information call Rose at 636/916-0619
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OK, here's the scoop:

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--- Quote of the Month: There is nothing higher and stronger and more wholesome for life in the future than some good memory, especially a memory of childhood, of home. Fyodor Dostoevsky

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Supporting the sponsors and advertisers in Rexanne's Web Review keeps this newsletter alive. Each advertiser has Rexanne's Seal of Approval. Please visit them today.

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Parenting & Family Topic of the Month: Your Child's Relational Preferences - by Michael Grose

One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is "How do you show your children you love them?"

Verbal and physical ways of showing affection are the usual answers that people provide. These ways work well for children of certain age groups and children with those relational preferences. But how do you relate to a child or young person who becomes a 'conversational clam' or one who doesn't like physical closeness?

Conversely, it is easy to miss the relational signs of children if their ways of relating fit outside our frame of reference. I remember Michael, behaviorally the most challenging child that I taught, would meet me in the car park each morning and carry my bag to the staff room door. He would bid me farewell and we would spend most of our contact time jousting with each other. The bag carrying was just Michael's way of saying that he liked me. His relational preference was through acts of service, which is similar to mine so we were on the same wavelength.

There are five different ways to develop a connection (show them you love them) with children. They are:

1. Acts of affirmation

The best way to develop a relationship with some children is through your praise, affirmation and recognition. Let them know they are wonderful, that their efforts at home hit the mark and their behavior is appreciated and they will know you think the world of them. This is obviously easy for some children who naturally do well or behave appropriately but what of those children who are not 'affirmation magnets'? We need to try something else…

2. Acts of service and shared activity

Some children just want to share an activity with you. When you come home from work they may pester you for a game or want to join you in whatever you are doing. When young these children will want to be
attached to the hip with a parent as they go about their usual business. You cook, they want to cook. You mow the lawn they want to join you. These children will often do things for you to show they care so they do special jobs 'just for you' (particularly when they have been less than perfect) or want you to join them in an activity or a game. As teenagers it may be an interest such as sport that they share with a parent rather than participating together in an activity itself. These children also love to have their parents to themselves for a time. Other children don't want to share activities but ...

3. Talking and attention

Some children just love to talk or be the center of attention. They love one-on-one time but they can rattle on forever rather than actually engage in an activity with a parent. Far from being conversational clams' these children usually don't mind telling you about their day at school or about any social problems they may be
having. They also like to hear about your personal life or how you may have handled the highs and lows of life. Yes, they can close up during adolescence but you may just have to find the right forum such as in a car or coffee shop for them to talk. Parents who travel a great deal can stay in touch with these children through the Internet or via telephone. In many ways these 'talkers' provide easy access for relationships as long as we make the effort. Other children prefer …

4. Gifts and mementos

Some children like more tangible evidence of your regard so small mementos or gifts are the way to their hearts. I am not talking big expense here but these 'tangibles' as young children love their parents to bring something home from work (a pad, pen or poster can work wonders) or a little treat every now and then. Some teenage tangibles can be quite demanding on their parents financially as they ask for big ticket fashion items but remember that it is the thought not the item that counts with this group. Another way to relate …

5. Physical closeness and affection

Some children can't get close enough to their parents. These young children love to be picked up and toddlers can give parents little space. Cuddles on the couch and physical play are de rigeur for these kinesthetic types. Some older boys love to skylark and play very physical games with their fathers, which can be their way of saying, "You're OK." So you need to go along with these affectionate types and realize a touch on the shoulder, a hand on the arm can be more potent than words of praise. This can be challenging if you are physically reserved yourself and your children move into adolescence. Sometimes a squeeze on the arm or a quick rub of a teen's back as you say good-bye is a powerful reminder that you love them.

Most children will have a preference for two of the above methods just as most parents will have one or two preferred ways of relating to others. If you love to chat then holding conversations with like-minded children will be a breeze but how will you relate to those children who prefer more physical ways or even a memento?

The information in this article is adapted from The Five Languages by Gary Chapman. For more ideas from Michael Grose to help you raise confident kids and resilient young people visit the bookstore at Parenting Ideas

While you are at the website, subscribe to Happy Kids, Michael's email newsletter for parents.

Know of a good parenting or family site your fellow readers might enjoy? Please send it for possible publication in an upcoming issue. Click here: Parenting Site

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Food & Cooking Site of the Month: Weird & Different Recipes

Just in time for Halloween: Creepy, strange and bizarre food stuff to feed your family. ;-) From 'Boogers on a Stick' to 'Kitty Litter Cake,' you'll find lots of fun and crazy recipes for Halloween inspiration. This might be the only way to get "real" food in your kids before they hit the streets and get sugared-out. And you'll have fun looking through all the nutty titles:

Bon Appetit!

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Parent Skill Building & Early Learning Fun To help all parents, caregivers, and teachers get their young children off to the best start possible. Visit Dr. Sally for more information on tips, books, articles, coaching, workshops, and keynote speeches.

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Kid's Site of the Month: Halloween for Kids

Here's a chance for the little ghouls and goblins to get spooky on the computer and enjoy the vast amount of Internet goodies available for children. Kids will find Halloween activities, coloring pages, crafts, stories, books and more. Parents, have a browse through the parent Halloween links on this page, too. Enjoy:

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Freebie of the Month: Kid's Safety Online Book & Card Fountain

This ebook from child & family safety expert, Julie Joyce, offers helpful information to protect your children from many potential harmful situations. Situations covered include: abduction, accidental injury, auto injury, bullies, drowning, fire injury, gun injury, illness & disease, molestation, online predators, poisoning, runaway risk, seasonal dangers, substance abuse, etc. Julie Joyce believes that what you know will help protect your precious children. Pass the book link on to all you know who care for children: Safety Book

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Card Fountain is the coolest new free card site, with "speech to text" cards that "talk what you type" and lots of fun, timely and inspirational e-cards. Send a perfect Card Fountain e-card to someone you're thinking about today: Card Fountain

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Tip or Trick of the Month: Halloween Photo Tips

One of the rare times I remember the camera is on Halloween, when the kids are all dressed up in the costume of their choice and their eyes are sparkling in anticipation of the "hunt." Here are some super tips to make those pictures keepers:

1) It's usually better if you don't shoot from head to toe since shoes are often the weakest part of a costume.

2) Bend down low to kid's-eye level. Don't shoot from adult level down on these little ghouls - you'll trivialize them. Or if you're limber enough, bend down to below kid's-eye level or even lie down for the shot. Nothing makes a monster more imposing than looking up at the scary countenance.

3) If you're shooting two monsters, get them as close together as possible and, again, get close enough to fill the frame with the best parts of their costumes

4) And don't forget Fido or Cleo. Put a mask or silly hat on the family pet, and shoot - but fast. The suffering beast will probably be too embarrassed to suffer this indignity for more than a few seconds.

5) If you're taking a close-up of a face, here's what we suggest: Don't use your strobe. Rather, have the vampire hold a flashlight about six inches under his chin and point the light up onto his face. Then just bare a few fangs, and Eek!

6) If you are following your own kids with your camera on their trick-or-treat rounds, try to capture their expressions of glee when candy is poured into their outstretched hands. As always, get in close. And - very important - position yourself so that the door won't swing open and block your view.

These and more photo tips are from: Halloween Photo Tips

Have a tip or trick your fellow readers would enjoy or could use? Please send it here for possible publication in one of the next issues: Tips

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Time Waster of the Month: Dr. Phil's Personality Test
(Because life is supposed to be fun!)

Waste a little time finding out about yourself, as per Dr. Phil. ;-)

Feed the kids first ...

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Featured Site of the Month: Diabetes Health - Parenting Issues

Kids with diabetes have it tough, no doubt. Parents of diabetic kids also have a rough path, including the emotional heartbreak of watching their child go through life with a daunting medical condition. Reader Johanna wakes every night to check her daughter's insulin levels to make sure Jessica isn't having a life-threatening emergency. While most parents will be celebrating Halloween this month with children, parents with diabetic children will be wondering how to keep their precious kids from the temptation of sugar treats the other kids are allowed to consume without the dreaded consequences of "too much sugar." The following link is to a page on the Diabetes Health web site that lists many excellent articles dealing with diabetic children, how to cope as
a parent, how to understand many issues facing kids with diabetes and offering excellent advice, information and support for a difficult situation:

And once more ... please help support reader Johanna's daughter, Jessica in her Walk for Diabetes tomorrow (donations throughout the month of October count toward Jessica's team): Support Jessica!

Thank you!

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