Spotlight on: Thanksgiving

Rexanne's Web Review Web Sites & Insights

--- Issue #92 - October 1, 2005

--- Brought to You By: Rexanne.com

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Welcome all newcomers and faithful readers!

How did it get to be October already?! Geesh, time is flying. :-) You all know October means Halloween, probably one of the most important holidays/celebrations in a child's life. For all the help you could ever want putting on the best Halloween you can, visit my Halloween site to make your life easier: Rexanne's Halloween

We are blessed with another terrific and wise article by Anne Beaty in the parenting & family topic of the month (Fear & Respect). Anne would love to hear from you so drop her an email, ask her a question or just tell her you appreciate her great advice. :-)

I promised you all a poll this month and there are three on my site for you to add your input. Please take a minute or two to add your votes which will help make Rexanne.com and Rexanne's Web Review a better resource for you: Rexanne.com Poll Page

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Reader's Comments:

--- Grace wrote:

"Your new shopping pages are great. Thank you! I have been looking for a Tooth Fairy pillow for my son and found one that wasn't frilly or girly on your page. Another page I bought from is the Clothes Racks, Pegs & Hooks page! They have kept my house neat and tidy for a few years and I found so many new ones on your page that I loved. Thank you, thank you!

You are so welcome, Grace. I've tried to create pages that will appeal to my readers and visitors and your email has given me inspiration to continue to make more. Readers, please let me know if there is a shopping page you'd like to see on my site.

Jenny wrote:

"Your newsletter keeps getting better every month. I have been a subscriber for maybe 2 years now and I always love the things I learn and read. I really enjoy the time wasters you find. Great job!"

Thank you very much, Jenny!

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Oh and to everyone who sent well-wishes and support after I goofed and sent you all a test copy of this newsletter last week ... thanks! Your acceptance and understanding almost made the goof worthwhile. :-) I'm lucky to have such a great group of subscribers. Love you all! It's entirely possible you'll find mistakes and goofs in this version, too. It's still a little nuts here, plus Los Angeles is burning up all around us but not close enough to sizzle so we're OK, just smoked out and ashy which adds to the chaos. And I'll survive this nutso time,  just like all the trying times before. :-)

OK, here's the scoop:

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Quote of the Month: True obedience is a matter of love, which makes it voluntary, not compelled by fear or force. - Dorothy Day

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Supporting the sponsors and advertisers in Rexanne's Web Review keeps this newsletter alive and a portion of revenue is donated to various children's charities. . Each advertiser has Rexanne's Seal of Approval. Please visit them today.

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This Month's Web Review Sponsored By: The Better Behavior Wheel

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Parenting & Family Topic of the Month: Fear & Respect
By Anne Beaty

As parents, we have to ask ourselves: do we want our children to fear us or respect us. 99 percent of us, I believe, will say ‘of course we don’t want them to fear us, of course we want them to respect us’, but we deal with our children in a way that is guaranteed to instill fear. And, unfortunately, we do not usually respect that which we fear.

The only way I know to instill respect in a child is to show respect to him/her. This does not mean letting the child run the household; this is not an excuse to never say ‘no’. It means you treat your child as you would any other human: you say please and thank you, you don’t give edicts, you allow them control over their body and possessions

Small children: Obviously, a child about to run into the street must be physically restrained, a child throwing a fit in public must be physically removed. Yet as we teach our toddlers to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’; do we also remember to say “thank you for being such a good helper at the store today”? Do we say “I know you don’t feel like taking a bath, so just for tonight, we’ll have a sponge bath”, or do we put him/her screaming into the tub? Do we say ‘clean up your room!’ or do we offer to help? The more you can remember you are dealing with a complete human being, no matter how small, the easier it becomes to deal with their behaviors.

Some things that worked for me: When my son didn’t want to go to sleep after story time, I said he could stay up and read to himself. This had the added bonus of turning him into a dedicated reader. When he refused a bath, I offered a shower, which he thought was great fun. I always asked what he wanted for dinner, and made sure at least one thing I cooked was that. I found out from my pediatrician that fruits and vegetables were virtually interchangeable nutritionally, and that if I could ‘balance’ his diet over a period of a week or even two, then I shouldn’t worry. I also learned the rule of 1 tablespoon per year of age, i.e., if we were having spaghetti and carrots, 2 tablespoons of each for a 2 year old was sufficient. This ended virtually all battles connected with food.

Older children: Forget confrontation, it doesn’t work, unless your child is so cowed they’ll do anything you want, in which case, you’re probably not reading this column. Confrontation=confrontation, which preteens and teenagers love. They want your attention, and they’ll do anything to get it. Again, respect is the key. If you have managed to control yourself, to not be sarcastic or belittling, then you have the right to say “ I don’t talk to you like that, so please don’t speak to me like that”. And to follow up with “now, let’s talk about (whatever the issue is) like reasonable people”. The more you show your willingness and desire to engage with them in a positive way, the less they will feel the need to engage in a negative way.

When my son was in middle school, after we’d been home about an hour, I asked him ‘would you like dinner at 6 or 6:30 tonight?” He flew into a rage, burst into tears, and ran from the room. I sat, stunned. Much later, after much thought, and after he had calmed down, I said to him “you know, right now we are living in what middle school teachers call ‘the hormonal soup’, and there are going to be many times you feel sad or angry or disassociated or disappointed or any number of negative feelings. I think we just have to know that this will pass, and it’s OK to feel those things.” Although we lived through quite a few hormonal onslaughts, none was ever as bad as the first one, because he knew the feeling was temporary and physically generated.

Part of showing children respect is being willing to admit when you’re wrong, and being willing to change your mind. If you’ve proofread an essay for them, and their grade is lowered because of grammatical errors, which response do you think will garner you respect: “It was your responsibility ” or “I’m really sorry I missed those points?” If they have a midnight curfew, but can give you a compelling reason they should be allowed to come home at 1 a.m. just this once, you will lose nothing by agreeing. In fact, you have shown yourself to be a reasonable person who listens to another reasonable person, even if that other person  happens to be 17.

The first time this happened to us, my greatest fear was that by saying yes, I would be setting a precedent. So I made him swear he understood this was a one time only permission, and I never ever wanted to hear ‘but you let me before’. And I never did.

The truth is, you cannot ‘control’ your older child. You can set limits, such as curfew, but unless you’re willing to go out and drag them home, they will only come at the specified time if they choose to. Your only option is to calmly state: ‘I asked you to be home by (whenever) and I’m very disappointed that you chose to ignore my request’. The more rational and reasonable you sound, the greater the effect will be. This doesn’t mean s/he will honor your curfew the next time, but you will have planted your voice in his/her head, and even if they won’t admit it, they can hear it.

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Anne Beaty is the single mother of one son, who graduated college in 2005. She was a Special Education Teaching Assistant for the Los Angeles Unified School District for 10 years, middle and high school, where she dealt with inner-city, minority and migrant students, most of whom wouldn't have known a manner if it bit them on the leg. At the moment, she is raising her 16 year old niece. Send an email to Anne: Anne Beaty
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Know of a good parenting or family site your fellow readers might enjoy or do you have a topic you'd like to see covered in this section? Please send your ideas in for possible publication in an upcoming issue: Parenting Site

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Food & Cooking Site of the Month: RoseWave Recipes

Rosewave Recipes is a great collection of hundreds of goodies, from appetizers to children's cooking pages. Plenty of inspiration to make your family dinners, lunches and breakfasts different, delicious and fun. Rosewave also offers international recipes, some broken down into specific country categories. You'll also find various holiday recipes and sections to browse for special occasion cooking.

Bon Appetit!

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Advertisement: Sweet Love Gifts

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Kid's Site of the Month: Halloween for Kids

Halloween crafts, coloring pages, activities, sites and loads of spooky fun.

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Freebie of the Month: Tech Support Guy

Even though we're all on the computer a lot, it doesn't always mean we know what to do when something goes wrong. You'll want to bookmark this useful site, which offers free tech support to those of us who occasionally get lost in the land of computer technology. All you have to do is register and post your question to get the help you need.

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Advertisement: Halloween Costumes

Now's the time to order costumes for Halloween. At BuyCostumes.com, you are sure to find exactly what you're looking for. Infants, toddlers, kids, teens, adults and even pet costumes.

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Tip or Trick of the Month: More good uses for Bounce Dryer sheets

Marion sent these tips about Bounce dryer sheets. While I try not to suspect these tips were thought up by the manufacturers of Bounce dryer sheets (whoever they are ... ) some of these tips are too cool not to pass on. Consider that you could use ANY dryer sheet you normally use. Let us know if you find one of these tips works particularly well! I have been tossing Bounce sheets in my linen and shoe closets for years ... it works. :-) Read on:

- A sheet of Bounce in your pocket helps keep yellow jackets away. The yellow jackets just veer around you.

- It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them.

- It also repels mice. Spread them around foundation areas, or in trailers, cars that are sitting and it keeps mice from entering
your vehicle.

- It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don't get opened too often.

- Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet of Bounce through a belt loop when outdoors during mosquito season.

- Eliminates static electricity from your television (or computer) screen. Since Bounce is designed to help eliminate static cling,
wipe your television screen with a used sheet of Bounce to keep dust from resettling.

- Dissolve soap scum from shower doors. Clean with a sheet of Bounce.

- Freshen the air in your home. Place an individual sheet of Bounce in a drawer or hang in the closet.

- Put a Bounce sheet in the vacuum cleaner.

- Prevent thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through sheet of Bounce before beginning to sew.

- Prevent musty suitcases. Place an individual sheet of Bounce inside empty luggage before storing.

- Freshen the air in your car. Place a sheet of Bounce under the front seat.

- Clean baked-on foods from a cooking pan. Put a sheet in a pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. The
antistatic agent apparently weakens the bond between the food.

- Eliminate odors in wastebaskets.. Place a sheet of Bounce at the bottom of the wastebasket.

- Collect cat hair. Rubbing the area with a sheet of Bounce will magnetically attract all the loose hairs.

- Eliminate static electricity from Venetian blinds. Wipe the blinds with a sheet of Bounce to prevent dust from resettling.

- Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sand papering. A used sheet of Bounce will collect sawdust like a tack cloth.

- Eliminate odors in dirty laundry. Place an individual sheet of Bounce at the bottom of a laundry bag or hamper.

- Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet of Bounce in your shoes or sneakers overnight.

- Golfers put a Bounce sheet in their back pocket to keep the bees away.

- Put a Bounce sheet in your sleeping bag and tent before folding and storing them. Keeps them smelling fresh.

Have a tip or trick your fellow readers would enjoy or could use? Please send it in for possible publication in one of the next issues: Tips

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Time Waster of the Month: Magnetism
(Because life is supposed to be fun!)

Bank, ping, pong, rock & roll! This fun game will waste your time and make you a little crazy in the process. The object is to drop your metal ball into a cup at the bottom of the screen while avoiding or using to your advantage the magnetic influence of various magnets on the page. It's a challenge to move through the levels as they get progressively harder. Enjoy!

Feed the kids first ...

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Featured Site of the Month: The History of Halloween

Everything you ever wanted to know about the origins and history of Halloween, which dates back 2000 years. Things have changed a lot since then and kids have made this holiday their own with current traditions and customs. Find out all about it.

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Advertisement: Halloween Candy

For a full assortment of the best Halloween candy, selected with kid's in mind, please visit my Halloween Candy page, created for you and the little munchkins who will be dressed up in costumes, very excited and knocking at your door, looking for treats, in about 3 weeks. Be ready for them!

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