Spotlight on: Thanksgiving

Rexanne's Web Review
Web Sites & Insights

Issue #97 - March 1, 2006

Brought to You By: Rexanne.com

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Welcome all newcomers and faithful readers!

Rexanne's Web Review is officially 6 years-old this month. Many of you have been with me from the first issue and have seen this newsletter grow and change over the years. If anyone has feedback on any aspect or on anything you read in Rexanne's Web Review, please, as always, send your ideas, opinions or general comments. Suggestions are also always welcome. Reader input, whether long-time or new subscribers, is invaluable and keeps each newsletter fresh and interesting. I appreciate your support and look forward to the next 6 years of interaction and growth together.

Easter is just around the corner! :-) I love this holiday for the sheer joy of creating more magic and thrills for my kids and for the reflection it inspires. Baskets and eggs, chocolate bunnies and Peeps are big time traditions in our home. Here's my Easter site for everything Easter online and information to help you create your own traditions and magic of the season: Rexanne's Easter  - Easter Sunday is April 16 this year.

And a special treat for my readers: be among the fist to see and absorb my new site, Ladies One and All - a site that offers resources and advice on being and raising a lady. It is still a work in progress but please let me know what you think : Ladies One and All

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Reader's Comments:

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Dawn wrote in response to my mention of stay-at-home moms and the financial amount the tasks they perform are worth:

"Why only moms who stay home? Don't you think Mom's who work have to doeverything you do AND work full time. I don't have a nanny, or a house keeper;or a yard person. I scrub my own floors, and make my own meals. I'm just kinda sick of being insulted because I work so that my kids can have soccer uniforms, cheerleading outfits and those "oh so cool" pair of jeans. ~ I just thought you may want to hear something from 'The other side!'"

Please know that I was not trying to insult you or other moms who work outside of the home, just encouraging those moms who do not bring in a paycheck because their contributions, in financial terms, would add up considerably if they did have to hire someone for every job they perform. I actually think stay-at-home mothers take more flack for not working than those who do. And yes, those who work outside of the home and still have the brunt of the "home" work need plenty of moral support, too. Maybe more so. If our great grandmothers or grandmothers saw what mothers today accomplish and have to do to stay on top of life, they'd be horrified.

Thanks for writing, Dawn. I really do appreciate all feedback.

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And Annabelle, who is expecting her first child, wrote:

"I enjoyed reading Anne Beaty's article about loving your child unconditionally and how true it is to determine who that child is and love them for it, regardless of the outer influences that you would suppose should make you proud."
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OK, here's the scoop:

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--- Quote of the Month:

The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children. - King Edward VIII (1894-1972)
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Supporting the sponsors and advertisers in Rexanne's Web Review keeps this newsletter alive and a portion of revenue is donated to various charities. . Each advertiser has Rexanne's Seal of Approval. Please visit them today.

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This Month's Web Review Sponsored By: Great Arrival Easter Baskets

Make this Easter the easiest one you've ever experienced. Great Arrival Easter Baskets are very affordable, adorable and ready to ship. These are simply some of the best-priced, fun and beautiful baskets I've seen online. Everyone you love deserves a special Easter basket! Great Arrivals has a perfect basket for kids and teenagers, adults and they're happy to do all the work for you.  

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Parenting & Family Topic of the Month: Manipulation

Are You Letting Your Children Manipulate You?
By Dr. Margaret Paul

Children learn very early how to manipulate a parent that is overly concerned with being loved by the child. In this article, discover what you can do about this.

Rachael is the young mother of Nathan, who just turned two. Rachael is a stay-at-home mother who works part-time at home and has the help of a housekeeper five days a week. Rachael consulted with me because of her problems with Nathan.

"When Nathan is with David (her husband), he's fine. He adores David and listens well to him. When he's with Amalia (her housekeeper), he's fine. He loves her and plays calmly with her. But when he's with me, he's impossible. He throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way. He goes to sleep easily at night for David but not for me. I want so much to be a good mother and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I never get angry with him but sometimes I feel like throwing him across the room! I need help!"

"Rachael, when you are with Nathan, what do you think is more important to you - to get him to love you or to be loving to yourself?"

Rachael replied instantly. "To get him to love me. I never think about loving myself. I just want him to love me. If he loves me, then I know that I'm a good mother."

"And what does it say about you if you are a good mother?"

"It means that I'm okay."

"So you have handed to Nathan the job of defining your worth. He has to love you for you to be okay. What do you think is most important to David?"

"Oh, David takes good care of himself. He really doesn't seem concerned about whether or not Nathan loves him. He's very loving to Nathan, but if David wants to eat dinner when Nathan wants to play with him, he just eats dinner and Nathan seems to accept it. If I want to have my breakfast when Nathan wants to play, Nathan has a tantrum."

"Rachael, Nathan has learned that he can manipulate you because you are so concerned with how he feels about you. As long as his loving you is more important to you than taking loving care of yourself, he will be able to manipulate you. This is not good for him or for you. It is too big a burden on him to have the responsibility of defining your worth. As long as your worth is attached to being a good mother, Nathan will be able to manipulate you."

"I can see that. Amalia is like David. If she has work to do, she just expects Nathan to play by himself, and he does. She loves him, but she is firm about what she needs to do. I can see that I give in all the time because I don't want him to be upset with me. What can I do now to change this?"

"First of all, you need to consciously detach your worth from being a good mother. You need to do some inner work on defining your worth separately from being a mother. Your sense of worth needs to be attached to who you are - your kindness, compassion, empathy, warmth, aliveness. You need to take responsibility for defining your own worth rather than making Nathan, David, or anyone else responsible.

"Second, you need to care about taking care of yourself as much as you care about taking care of Nathan. Nathan is a brat with you because you don't care about yourself when you are with him, so he has learned to not care about you. You are teaching him not to care about you when you do not care about yourself."

"Okay, I think I get this. I'm really going to try to do it differently."

Next week when we spoke in our phone session, Rachael reported that things had already dramatically changed. Nathan was listening to her, going right to sleep when she put him down, and seemed happier in general. His tantrums had not yet completely stopped, but they were far fewer. Rachael, too, felt happier because she was finally taking care of herself and her own needs. For the first time since giving birth to Nathan, she was having some time to herself.

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Dr. Margaret Paul is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process and the best-selling co-author of "Healing Your Aloneness” and “The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook.” Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding
course:  Inner Bonding
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Know of a good parenting or family site your fellow readers might enjoy or do you have a topic you'd like to see covered in this section? Please send your ideas in for possible publication in an upcoming issue: Parenting Site
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Food & Cooking Site of the Month: CD Kitchen

CD Kitchen is one of the largest food & cooking sites online, with easy to find categorized recipes, articles by master chefs, cooking tips and even a games section with food-related jigsaw and word puzzles and a nifty candy concentration game. Prepare to get lost for a few hours. :-)

Bon Appetit!

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Advertisement: You Can Heal Your Life

OK, I'm putting this in an "advertisement" spot because I wanted to let you all know about this book that has made my crisis-ridden life way more manageable this past month. You can read my review of and buy 'You Can Heal Your Life' by visiting the above link. I highly recommend this book!
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--- Kid's Site of the Month: Teasing Bird

Kids will love Teasing Bird, a collection of 13 songs and narrative by songwriter Ira Marlow. Ira's CD is one of the best collections of music I've heard for children in a long time and little kids up to age 12 would be delighted by these wonderfully inspiring, thought provoking and uplifting songs. Ira’s goal has been to create music for kids that respects the musical tastes of parents. He assumes kids to be creative, intelligent, and hilarious and refuses to condescend to them. Instead he prefers to challenge them, deliberately including bits of information just enough over their heads to trigger questions and curiosity. Ira Marlow has generously agreed to offer my readers a $3.00 discount off the price of his CDs - Visit Teasing Bird and when ordering a CD, enter promo code 8180 at the checkout process for your exclusive discount:
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Freebie of the Month: Parent's Magazine

Here's a very cool and absolutely free offer for a subscription to Parent's Magazine. Parent's Magazine is filled with timely information, pertinent information you can use and tips, recipes, ideas and much more. This is one of the magazines I read cover to cover. All you have to do is fill in the easy form to start receiving this super parenting resource once a month.

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Tip or Trick of the Month: Easter Egg Fillers

The Easter egg hunt at our home is a lively tradition my girls love and one I enjoy putting together for them. I combine large and small plastic eggs and label them with names. I've compiled a list of little goodies to include in plastic eggs for Easter egg hunts:

* Stickers
* Temporary tattoos
* Shoe charms
* Button covers
* Lip gloss pots
* Money
* Hair clips
* mini wind up toys
* Shoe and backpack charms
* Decorative erasers
* Pins & fun buttons
* Key chains
* fun magnets
* Small wrapped candy
* Bite sized favorite chocolate bars
* Jelly beans
* rings, bracelets, necklaces, earrings, anklets for girls
*match box cars, army men, action figures for boys

Have an Easter egg filler suggestion to share? Please send it for next month's newsletter:

Have a tip or trick your fellow readers would enjoy or could use?
Please send it in for possible publication in one of the next issues:
Easter Egg Tips

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Time Waster of the Month:  Pogo
Because life is supposed to be fun!

How many of you play games at Pogo already? I spend countless hours a month exercising my passion for various card and board games on this site. I've found it to be the best site with good graphics and fast, fun games. If you play poker, backgammon, dominoes or cribbage, we've probably come up against each other at the tables. :-) For serious players of any of the above games, let me know your  Pogo ID and we can meet up at the tables.

Feed the kids first ...
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Featured Site of the Month: Realms of Joy, Time of Light

I love bringing inspirational and beautiful web pages to my readers and this one is a beautiful presentation that speaks a message I believe is vital to our personal well-being and that of our families and humanity. I try to teach my children this truth with every opportunity that arises. Turn your speakers up for the beautiful music that accompanies this message of light, love and universal truth.

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